Cecilia

MEETING UNCLE MICHAEL (from my book, "Warrior Princess")

- By Ebony Bertha Duline


The first time I met Uncle Michael I wasn’t too impressed with him. If truth be told, I wasn’t impressed at all. He and Auntie Queen rushed in one Friday afternoon from Washington, D.C. A lot of other things had been going on in our house and I knew it had to do with Granny Bertha going away. My mommy was crying, and people were coming in and out, and all was sadness. I was all but forgotten…until they left at night, and then my mommy cuddled and talked to me.
When the DC-ites arrived they all ran over to Granny Bertha’s apartment and brought back some things. The next day they spent all day over there and when they came back, they were chattering about how hard Uncle Michael worked and what he had accomplished. Hey, what a big word for a little person like me! Mommy always says I’m my own little person, so I guess that means I’m a person. I still wasn’t impressed with Mikey as I thought of him. He seemed preoccupied, and all but ignored me. He was guzzling beer and yapping. I had never seen anything like him. And he was my mommy’s brother? Oh boy! He yelled a lot and made her laugh a lot, but he didn’t make ME laugh. He just annoyed me. Auntie Queen was sweet, but even so, I could tell that she was not real crazy about me. My attitude was that they could head back to Washington, and the sooner the better.
The three of them came in long enough to shower and change clothes, have a glass of wine……and, oh, that’s another thing. That Mikey was slurping down anything liquid! Mommy had bought him a six pack of some foreign beer. He swallowed that down like it was water and was looking for some more. She seemed surprised that the six pack was not going to last until Sunday. Mikey then looked around and began drinking wine. He could drink and drink, but didn’t seem to get drunk! Mommy gave me a quick walk – emphasis on quick! – and they were off to dinner at Granny Gladys’ and Grandpa Dougie’s. And why didn’t they take me? That is my question! I had been to my grandparents’ home before. But oh, no, they left me home alone. I had time to think about this visit and my thoughts were not nice!
It wasn’t enough that Mommy gave Auntie Queen the master, oops, the mistress’ suite while we slept in the library as she loves calling that little hole. I call it the black hole of Calcutta cause all you can see is books and magazines piled on top of more books and magazines. A computer sticks up out of the chaos. And that was where I had to sleep while Auntie Queen lolled in MY suite. I was loath to understand why I had to give up my bed just cause Mommy wanted Qwenie to be comfy. So there Mommy and me were stuffed in the library for two nights. There was hardly room for me to turn my ass-sets around. The sofa bed took up all of the space. So, I was not too happy about the sleeping arrangements. Plus, I had been alone all day and now they were going out for half the night.
The next morning Mikey said he would take me walking. Humph. I didn’t want him taking me anywhere. He’d barely said hello to me in two days, and now he wanted to take me walking. What an experience that would be! Mommy was so happy that she didn’t have to change out of her nightgown and take me out. She could get breakfast started. I wasn’t happy worth a dime. Off I went with Mr. Mikey! He chatted as we walked, and I ignored him. I did my bidness and told him to take me home. I led the way. He didn’t know anything about walking me. I wanted my mommy to walk me. When we got back home, old Mikey went into the bathroom to wash his hands. Mommy was in the kitchen rattling pots and pans. I decided it was time to let everybody know what I thought of the way I was being treated. I got in the middle of the living room floor. I squatted and peed and peed just as Mikey walked in, and at the same time Mommy came out of the kitchen. My timing was impeccable! There’s another one of those big words that I know!
Mommy shrieked, “Ebony, what are you doing?!”
She could see that I was peeing.
Mikey yelled, “What a nasty, disgusting little dog!”
I was gonna show him disgusting!
Mommy asked Mikey what I did outside. He said I did everything. Neither of them knew then that we doggie persons don’t let out all of our urine at once. We always save some in case we come across poop that needs to be marked. And the living room definitely needed to be marked as MY territory and not Mikey’s! Mikey retreated to his room in disgust. Mommy’s face looked like a thundercloud. She was hotter than a firecracker as they say Uncle Rabbit used to say. She grabbed paper towels, stain remover, rubber gloves, and I ran into the library and out of sight. I could hear her talking out loud, and I was pretty certain she had not learned those words in Sunday school.
Later, I heard her telling Mikey and Qwenie that Granny Bertha’s death and all the excitement caused by that probably caused me to act out. I really wanted to get into Mikey’s room to pee on his suitcase or on his clothes, or worse. But I never got the opportunity. I wanted to make another statement.
Later that day the limo arrived to take those DC characters back to the airport. When they said goodbye to me, I replied, “Good riddance.” They didn’t speak my language, but I think they got the message. When Mommy returned from the airport it was just the two of us again and I cuddled up to her and all was forgiven.
The next year Auntie Queen, Uncle Chris and that Mikey came again, and this time Mikey was actually nice. He had the nerve to ask Mommy if I was the same dog she had last year! What did he think?! He said I seemed different. It wasn’t me who was different. It was his ass that was different! Oh, he still swilled beer and anything else alcoholic, but we were celebrating Mommy’s birthday, so he acted better than previously. I adored Uncle Chris. He played with me constantly. Auntie Queen always sends me wonderful Christmas presents, so I love her. I think I’m beginning to like Uncle Mikey. For Christmas he and Uncle Chris sent me some goodies “made with love” and I really loved them. Yep, I think I’ll keep my uncles. Now I must get ready to meet their Big Brother, Uncle Ken. I hope Uncle Ken is ready for me. He does send me cute little e-cards, so I think I am going to like him too. He hasn’t sent me any presents, so he’ll have to make up for that!